Can't a Young Man Get Money Degreed Anymore?

Not the political type, but I always get on edge when people say negative things about Obama, because I wonder where the disatisfaction is stemming from. Do you really think he could have a more proactive stance on energy and jobs, or is your issue coming from a darker place? Not to throw up the "race card," but let's call a spade a spade (no pun intented).

Anyhoo, this woman that I think is nice and intelligent (or so I thought), kind of disapponted me. I'm at work in my cubicle, and this coworker, let's call her B., takes a personal call, on her cell on the floor, and is just going off on this dude. She was one of those people who was romanced by claims of change, had signs on her lawn and everything, but now she feels he is a charlatan. Again, I'm not political so I can't get upset if someone doesn't like his presidency, but she started talking about how she doesn't think he went to Harvard. According to B. it's suspect how he refuses to reveal his academic records, and that his grades weren't that great in high school, so how did he get into Harvard LAW SCHOOL? He must have been a foreign student. Um,ok. I didn't realize you could use SAT for admission into law school. It's that affirmative action at work again!

My plan was to roll my eyes, and tune her out, which I did. Then when I got home, I went to youtube looking for music because I heard this great song on the radio. And somehow I come across racist people airing their grievances against people of color on youtube.From Arizona to the UK, people are angry about immigration, immigrants stealing their jobs,and lustfully eyeing their women. *sighs*

If we have to be honest with ourselves, and without pointing fingers, I would like some answers to some questions: how was the economy of America built? What group of people have historically have gone to other countries, and exploited the indigenous peoples and resources . . . over and over. If people of color are not equal, then I guess you shouldn't worry so much about job security, right?

The whole thing makes me want to become so well-versed in politics, that I will be able to psychically sense when someone is going to open their lips to say something ridiculously stupid, and just "shhhhh" them before they verbally vomit on me.

Love this song:

Wake Me Up When September Ends

Well, boys and girls, it's back-to-school time, and shortly, the weather will become cooler and the leaves will turn. It's time to sober up, put on real clothes, and morph back into robot mode. And what will I be doing? Heading back to school in the hopes I will be able to secure a job where I can make a livable wage and that I enjoy. My boss, however, didn't share my enthusiasm. In fact, he thinks my new venture is direct competition against the growth of his business. But I'm not trying to spend my life living paycheck to paycheck, micro-managing my budget. As they say, "it's time to go big, or go home." And I think I've been playing in the little leagues for far too long. So, grad school, here I come . . . again.

I wish I could say my love life was as verdant with possibility, but what can I say? I met this guy online (yes, I know) and he seemed nice, actually, too good to be true. A young black man with degrees from Penn and Brandeis, no kids, a decent job . . . a seemingly good catch. Only there wasn't sexual chemistry. Our first date, it was great. We had dinner and drinks, and good conversation. But we really didn't communicate afterwards. A couple random texts. A couple invitations to Old City, which I declined because I was tired from work. So, I said we could meet up on Sunday, which lead to his suggestion to meet up at panera for a coffee "date." This time around, I wasn't as charmed. When I get there, he's already seated (which is fine, because I was running late and he told me he would be inside), but I saw that he had already ordered, and that was a little weird to me. It struck me as childish, because a real man would have waited for me to get there to order and/ or offered to get me something. But whatever, I ordered this amazing salad and mango smoothie. Also unlike last time, the convo wasn't nearly as sparkling. He was quite annoying, giggling like a schoolgirl during our awkward silences. Eventually the date ended with an awkward hug, and I drove off, knowing that that would be our last date. Yesterday he sends me a text saying he's not looking for anything serious right now, and that it would be silly to start dating someone after the second date. When I received it, I was disappointed, because 1) I wanted to be the first to tell him to beat it, and 2) if you're not looking for something serious, what are you looking for? As Gwen Stefani said, "I ain't no hollaback girl!" So, I texted back what I had to say, which you know was a mouthful, and went on my merry way. Of course he responded with some mess, but I kept it moving. So, I guess Lessie and Victoria won't be having those grandkids anytime soon. Ah well, after dealing with my crazy, pathological lying, cheating, ex who came with more baggage than an airport, I'm good on men right now.

"Houston, we have a problem!"

This diet "lifestyle change" of mine has yet to take flight. I need some of that self-discipline I had in the UK. In two months, I lost 15 pounds; however my roommates where thin and gorgeous, I was responsible for making my own meals, my mom packed a 3 month supply of instant oatmeal and granola bars, and I was pretty diligent about going to the gym. I'm thinking about creating a vision board to motivate me, and just find pictures of amazing, beautiful, healthy women that I can look up to as I make this difficult journey.

I found these stock photos of this model, and while I don't want to be that thin, she's fit, beautiful, and chocolate . . . a good starting point for my vision board. I don't want to look like anyone else, I just want to be the best version of me. If I have to 100% honest with myself, I'm not happy with where I am, and I think my health has a lot to do with that. When I get off of work, I don't have energy for anything, and most times I just come home and watch tv or go to sleep. I want to be active and healthy. And I have some superficial reasons as well. I love shopping, I love to look nice, but I'm not 100% confident because my weight is not where I need it to be be. At this point, I have to embrace that this will not be an easy process, that some days I won't feel like going to the gym, or eating right. When I feel like going back on my goals, I need to remember the benefits of this lifestyle change: Not only will I look better, I'll feel better too.

Label Whore

I LOVE this bag, but it is ridiculously expensive. To splurge or not? That is the question. What is it about designer items that makes us forgo common sense, and spend money we don't have on items that would be pretty basic without a posh name attached it? Funny thing, I'm not that girl that needs designer clothes and shoes, but it's hard resist the appeal of a fabulous purse.

Grind Time

When I was a little girl, I couldn't wait to be grown. To me, being grown signified having your stuff together, being independent, etc. Back then, I never thought I'd be where I am now: 26, working two jobs (but barely making it), living with the 'rents, 3 going on 4 postbac degree attempts, a little extra poundage, and no love interest in sight (at least not one of my choosing). But I'm not getting down on myself because, 1) my underachievement is not just a personal thing, it's a generational thing. So my lack of success can be blamed on the times I live in and economy and, 2) at least I have a job, and two of the them to boot. So what if I need two jobs just to equal one fairly decent salary? *Sighs*

Despite these small blessings, and 4 almost 5 months of occupational bliss, I need a new gig. Not two jobs I picked up in desperation to pay my car note, and fund a nonrefundable trip to the UK, but a "real" job a.k.a career, replete with health insurance, dental, paid vacay, and if I'm lucky, tuition reimbursement.

And I don't know which one is the lesser of two evils, a boss where I have to wonder if I'm getting paid on time, or a call-center where my coworkers watch my whereabouts with the keenness of a vulture about to devour it's last meal (e.g. how does your key work at this hour? who told you you were allowed to park in that spot?).

Tomorrow, I will have been 26 for a whole month, and I have not made any steps to get my life together. I have 11 months, to change my perspective, and from there my life. By 27, I will be:

Skinnier
Moving into my own place
Closer to finishing my master's (finally!)
Working towards a career, and not just a job

It's been said that you have to speak your dreams into existence, and rather than sit by and let another year pass me, I'm going to make the things I dream about happen.