Giving It Your All

http://www.wimp.com/womangym/

A couple of days ago, I saw this video and it was super inspiring to me. I am in the process of trying to lose weight, so I have started going with a high school classmate that lives near me. There is something to having a workout buddy during your weight loss journey. Even though I have increased my gym visits, I just really started thinking about what I am putting into my body and after being chastised by my gym partner for eating unhealthily, I am going to try a pasta-less diet for a month. When she suggested this to me, in my head I was thinking, "um, no!," but I want to see if I have the willpower to do it. Funny thing, my cabinet is currently stocked with rice and pasta. And to be honest, I think pasta is my favorite food. In addition to eating it almost every day, when the bf & I go out, I am a sucker for a linguine! Particularly a seafood linguine. But when I eat out, I will focus more on fish, veggies, and other proteins. I know I should, but I am not giving up on eating out! I love trying new and delicious foods and posting them to social media. Maybe in time I'll stop eating out as much, and find other social activities in its place.

Since graduation from high school, I've gained about 64 pounds. In college, I gained the freshman 15 + some extra. And of course, everyone had something to say, from my parents to people I went to church with. Of course, it hurt, and sporadically I would try to go to the gym or eat less, but my love of food outweighed my desire to be slim. And I always justified my overeating by saying, "I'm fat anyway, something extra won't hurt me." In hindsight, I realize I used food as a crutch. When something bad happened to me, I ate something. When a man I was dealing with treated me horribly, I ate something. When I felt inadequate, I ate something. Now, don't get me wrong, since the onset of puberty, I've had curves, and always had someone saying if you lose a couple pounds, you would be perfect, but I wasn't one of those girls who felt like I needed to be super thin to be attractive. Even now, I still feel pretty attractive.

In other, not so new news, I moved out from my parents house. Even though I have been officially living with my bf for 5 months, Wednesday and Thursday I moved the rest of my stuff out. It was particularly symbolic for me, because I wasn't just moving my clothes and toiletries. I moved everything, including books. I think I have more books than all my personal possessions combined. Even though I haven't read all my books, these books comfort me. I still have books given to me by my parents when I was child. I have books from special people who have passed away. I still have my favorite book from childhood, Maizon at Blue Hill. In the fifth grade, my parents transferred my brother and I from a small Christian school to a slightly larger Catholic grade school. My first year, I was so lonely, and I was always in trouble. Not for fighting or being mischievous, but for not doing my spelling homework. I figured I didn't need to; I was the best speller in the class. In any case, I was resigned to the back of the class with other miscreants and troublemakers. Incidentally, it was located right next to the books and instead of paying attention, I immersed myself in these books. My parents say I was always a bookworm, but I don't remember loving books until I was about ten. Anyway, I think keeping my books and some other personal artifacts at home was a way of keeping one foot in the threshold, just in case things didn't work out. But 2014 is going to be my year, I am claiming it. In terms of accomplishing goals and bringing dreams to fruition. So, in everything I do, if it's weight loss, school, work, or love . . . I am giving my all to it.